Magic exists, and it is my purpose in life to find it, recognize it and make it tangible for others to experience. The life that sprouts curling forth from a tiny seed, the feeling of being wrapped up in an ethereal blanket when allowing God to infuse your soul in prayer, the awe of realizing that stars have a purpose - they are giant incendiaries in which the elements; the building blocks of all that we know are formed, and the profound sensation of being an integral part of as well as being a priviledged observer of a great, ingenious cosmos. The connection is our reality, the magic is the sensation we feel when we realize it.
I have been wanting to blog for a while, but there is a big part of me that is afraid to reveal my inner thoughts. This is primarily because I do not think they will jive with many of the people who I want to like me. I realize that I could keep those parts out of my blog, but then those are the tidbits that most want to escape.
Right now is the hardest time I have ever experienced. I should cover these thoughts with sugar, but it would not be true. My husband was diagnosed a year ago with Stage IV Cancer. We changed everything, started eating a whole foods diet, taking supplements, we did a round of Ukraine IV's, high dose vitamin C IV's, Iskadore injections, learned to meditate and just about everything else we could think of. We were not ready to go through chemotherapy and radiation, although we were evaluated for it as soon as we got the diagnosis.
Stage IV Cancer - there are only 4 stages you know. My husband. My life. I still do not believe it after a whole year. It has been a good year, except for the fear and daily tears that I shed everytime I drove to and from work.
We traveled to Florida to sit by the beach with family in May and then in October we drove from Atlanta to Chicago to Mount Rushmore and then back to Phoenix.
For Thanksgiving we went back to Florida to be with family again.
All of this time Quoc was feeling well, but after that he began to go downhill. My dad helped us buy a house in California and we moved there to be near family.
Quoc, my husband, passed out in the mall shopping for Christmas presents on December 19. We immediately started doing the paperwork to get him into chemo (our insurance coverage is very tiny). On Chritmas day he passed out again and we spent the day in two different emergency rooms.
We started chemo just after New Years. It has been hell, but because of it he is still alive.
